For everyone on my email list, the day my newsletter about back-to-school tips was delivered, I was actually driving to Northeast Arkansas to send my oldest off to college.

I would love to share some thoughts on sending your older kids to school. It’s not the daily grind of packing lunches but it is one of the most meaningful transitions of your lives together.

Packing a First Aid Kit:

You can find all sorts of premade First aid kits with standard meds and bandages, which can certainly be helpful. What was more important to me was setting up a kit that contained most of what my son typically uses in our home in case of a health issue.

Biocidin – if you send nothing else supplemental, send Biocidin! It is so versatile and easy to use. 6 drops in a sinus rinse in case of congestion, viruses or sinus infections, or 3 drops in a bottle of Xlear nasal spray for daily allergy & viral clearing support. You can put a drop on a hangnail, in a sore ear, or on a “hair bump/” ingrown hair. And if they are open to it, they can do a few weeks of taking it orally to address dysbiosis/ leaky gut. MVP in my supplement cabinet.

NAC – NAC’s versatility rivals Biocidin. It is great for immune support and thinning mucus in case of congestion or cough. It is a precursor to glutathione, supporting its production in illness as well as liver stress (college parties? Fast food court chosen over the cafeteria?).

Charcoal – Charcoal is a binder that we often use for detox support in our various protocols. I don’t expect my college freshman to line up a detox anytime soon, but I do want him to have this in case of stomach upset, diarrhea or food poisoning.

Xlear – This is an ideal nasal spray for daily use to support viruses or bacteria from settling into the sinuses, and removing allergens also. Add 3 drops of Biocidin to each bottle of Xlear and you have a powerhouse immune support spray.

V-Clear/ Oscillo – these are our go-to’s for cold and flu support, so I wanted to make sure he had access to these instead of just relying on OTC meds that deplete glutathione or upset the stomach. (V-Clear is available through Fullscript; let me know if you would like to set up an account!)

Take care of your heart:

If you have heard me share anything about my family, you may know how my mom heart is significantly impacted by my oldest leaving. I began having what I coined “anticipatory grief” at the beginning of his Senior year (it’s possible this actually started the first day of kindergarten -lol!). Luckily just before his Senior baseball season started, I began targeting this grief with my EMDR therapist which offered a much-needed nervous system reset. This is a trauma-informed type of therapy; I felt very privileged and at times frivolous using my son leaving for school, which millions of families do every year, as an EMDR target. But I allowed myself this self care and prioritized my nervous system so I could enjoy his Senior season, support him (not constantly console myself), and celebrate his accomplishments rather than mourn what lay ahead. Can’t recommend this enough.

Be gentle with yourself – after an early relationship ended, my sister sent me a sweet note reminding me this is a time to “be gentle with yourself.” I have held on to that phrase, shared it with many, and reminded myself over and over that powering through hard emotions is not nearly as effective as experiencing them and letting them wash over you. Grieving someone who is still living is described in Pauline Boss’s wonderful book “Ambiguous Loss.” Although a child moving to college is not an example used since they are ‘reachable’ in a sense, it’s still a loss that includes grieving the presence of someone who was previously a very active participant in the home but are no longer there. Validating and allowing that grief to surface is key to being gentle with yourself.

Allow a buffer of time if you can – We moved Cal in on a Wednesday, so I could have rushed home Thursday and made up for my missed days on Friday. But I allowed myself that time to “take to the bed” as one of my dear friends suggested. I scheduled a therapy appointment, met with my weekly women’s group, and went to a soundbath. Again, I understand and honor the privilege that I have in being able to make these choices. If you must return straight to work, I would encourage you to find some quiet time to mourn in any way you wish. The soundbath was actually at 6:30 at night, so even if I had worked I could have at least done that. Allowing a buffer supports your nervous system and your tender heart too.

Honor the Transition:

We have learned historically that big transitions occur in life about every 5-7 years. We can see that in children easier than we can see it in ourselves, but growth and development doesn’t stop as we age. While our children are becoming more independent, our development may be to release directing everything or allow for others to take the lead. I love the Enneagram for searching and learning what is being called for in your development.

Oftentimes, we are being called to move to our Stress number to take care of ourselves. Or sometimes we are called to move to our Security number to develop new confidence or skill. And we can always aim to move higher in our own number or balance our innate biases or subtype. The possibilities are endless and by focusing on our own growth, we can allow that growth in our children to be honored in a new way. If you have any interest in this way of approaching “grown up development,” check out my favorite local Enneagram wisdom provider, Life in the Trinity Ministry.

The open seat at our dinner table (& more noticeable, the missing ‘tension diffuser’ in our dinner conversation) is a glaring reminder and wonderful opportunity for us all to identify unhealthy patterns of stress response and make more aware choices. Understanding we are in a stage of “disorder,” acknowledging the discomfort, and looking for new ways to reorder our family has been vital to us moving through this grief together.

It’s been a week now, and I feel more stable than I ever imagined I would at this point. Of course we miss our boy (young man!) but my heart is settled knowing he is right where he needs to be, I’ve set him up for as much success as I am able, and I’ve taken care of my heart along the way. I pray and wish the same for you!

By Susan Attel, APRN, MSN, FNP-BC, FMCP-M, MSCP - founder of Reforming Wellness. Learn more here.